help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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