Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I think I just sharted jello shots
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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