i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
