Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
