he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
