He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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