I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
