I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
