Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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