Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
