so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
