barbara walters just said penis...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
