I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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