went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
