i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
