i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
