sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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