you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
