All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
