My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
