You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Bring me that man meat
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
