dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
