Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
