I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
