I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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