I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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