Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
