How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
