i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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