And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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