Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
