chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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