I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Two words: blizzard sex
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
