If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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