You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
