it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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