After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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