omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
