im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
