He asked me if I "almost moaned"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
