Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
