the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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