So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
this hospital has no fireball
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
