Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
