I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
