If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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