i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Please don't give away my fajitas
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
