Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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