wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
