This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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