why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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