she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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